Release Negotiations (Dick)
One Saturday afternoon recently Jane said to me, “If you go to Starbuck’s to get me some coffee I’ll give you a blowjob”. There was only one way to answer such a proposal and it sounded a lot like a door slamming followed by a car racing away.
She got her fix. And I got mine.
I have suffered through enough corporate ethics and sexual harassment training meetings to recognize sexual “quid pro quo” when I see it… and I love it! Sure I’ll do you a favor, so long as my dick gets a nice shine afterwards. Who could argue with that arrangement? Certainly not me.
What the personnel manager didn’t include in her PowerPoint presentation is that there are two major exceptions to the idea that “quid pro quo” is a bad thing:
- It only really applies at work, not home
- It’s void, really, if you’re already fucking each other
So Jane got her coffee, I got my dick sucked, and we both felt good in the end (her mouth was nice and warm, by the way). It was an arrangement born of short term need and we each consented to provide favor in exchange for favor. She gained fluids and I lost fluids but who’s counting?
Of course, this raises all sorts of ethical and legal questions about the implications of a sexual arrangement in exchange for the delivery of goods and/or services. Who am I kidding… no it doesn’t!
Exactly one Saturday later, I had an idea fixed in my head.
I said something to Jane that, under different circumstances, might have made me sound like a sexist misogynist bent on exploiting my beautiful wife for my own selfish sexual gratification. My personnel manager would have been aghast. But I had precedent, I tell you… PRECEDENT!
I turned to Jane lovingly and I said with naive confidence, “Honey, I’ll go get you some coffee if you give me a blowjob”.
Turns out, it doesn’t work that way. Take note guys.
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