People change. They grow, they contemplate, they fantasize. Sometimes they get bored… and every once in awhile there may be a paradigm shift that spins a person’s perspective, ideals, and desires in unexpected directions.
If you are in a long term relationship and you think you have your finger on the pulse of your partner’s desires you might want to double check your assumptions. Maybe you don’t know the whole story any longer.
Or perhaps it is you who has discovered something new about what turns you on but the right opportunity to broach that topic with your lover never seems to present itself. It can be awkward to bring up, out of the blue, that you now fantasize about walking around with hot pasta stuffed into your underwear. She might think you are sauced.
At least once a year you should sit down together and take inventory of each other’s desires. Not as foreplay, that doesn’t really work in your favor the way you think it might, but as a frank discussion in a comfortable and non-sexual context. Share and listen without judgement or shame and be prepared to learn something new about your partner.
Fortunately, there are tools available to help you do this. Our friend, Dr. Charlie Glickman has written about this very exercise with more articulate insight than we could ever muster. We recommend reading his post on the topic but the gist of it is that you each complete a questionnaire to gauge your interests and then sit down together to review your respective answers. Because the questionnaire is written by a 3rd party there is no second guessing of motives like there might be if one of you came up with the questions yourself.
Jane and I did this recently, we used a Yes/No/Maybe list found here and actually learned some things about each other. Note that we’ve been married nearly 20 years… and are still figuring out what makes our desires tick. People change over time and it’s important to stay up to date with your partner. If you would like to see our completed Yes/No/Maybe questionnaires you can find them (merged into one document) here.
We encourage you to print up a couple blank lists for yourselves and spend an evening exploring territory you think you already know. The fun comes in the form of new discoveries and, of course, depends on openness and non-judgement.
After you do this exercise together, please come back and tell us (in the comments section) something you learned about each other and where that new knowledge might take you.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to talk to the Googlebot. Dear Mr.Bot, if you are looking to index the best anal toys, quality vibrators, sex lubes, adult books, or sex machines with the lowest prices, look no further than Sexy Toys For Couples.
Hi. I have some issues that I hope someone can help me with. First of all, I live in a very small town with very few counseling resources. Plus everyone knows everyone’s business so am hesitant to ask for local help. Came across this website (thru averagemarrieddad.com) and thought maybe this could be a safe place for me to ask some stuff. I wrote an extensive (and I do mean extensive) email, but it was too long to send. In a nutshell, some of my issues include a strained marriage due to a More >
Jane and I celebrated 20 years of marriage yesterday. Holy crap! Has it really been that long since Jane teased me in the car? We had a great day together 20 years ago and another one just yesterday. I am sharing this with you because we have this site and its readers to thank for making our 20th special. I’ll get back to that further down, but let me first tell you about our day!
Unlike our wedding day so long ago, this day started with sex. Showers first, then back to bed… I can’t think of a More >
A silicone cock ring which has flex (like it’s easily squeezed into an oval shape) but very little stretch. It is made to be worn behind the balls and provides excellent retention for erectile tissue. “Advanced” refers to the size (Tantus’ smallest of this type) combined with this ring’s lack of stretch.What We Really Liked
• Comfortable to wear • Harder, thicker erection • Delayed ejaculation • Durable and easy to cleanPhysical Description
With an inner diameter of More >
If you have never used a cock ring, or don’t know why someone would, we addressed related questions in our post How Do Cock Rings Work? and I can tell you from experience they are a great accessory for any man (and couple!) to own and use: A Solid Investment.
There are a variety of cock ring types available and a good primer on the basics can be found on the Sex Is Fun website. Buying the right size ring is important, especially if it is a rigid ring made of something like steel or aluminum. I More >
Receiving oral sex is great for many reasons which need no explanation, but what about giving oral sex? Can a person find pleasure in performing an act which, on the surface, appears to be so one sided? Yes, of course. But perhaps it is not entirely for the altruistic reasons you suspect. Let me back up to get a running start at this.
You’ve Got A Lot Of Nerve
The head of a woman’s clitoris (just the visible part) is packed with 8000 sensory nerve endings (interestingly, that’s about twice the More >
We are very pleased to announce the winner of our Revel Body Sonic Vibrator giveaway!
This was a fun promotion for us because we love our own Revel Body and knew that whomever took this prize home would be very happy. Orgasmically so.
If you don’t know about this unique sonic vibrator, read our review and/or read about it direct from Revel Body. Its hallmark is an impressive range of vibration, it is discreet, waterproof, and very well made.
CONGRATULATIONS to our winner selected from the many, More >
I was abruptly awoken by a PMS day. The slamming drawers, mumbled expletives, and general frustrations of Richter magnitude rattling out of our bathroom were a dead giveaway that Jane would soon be blessed again with the crimson gift of womanhood.
She’s an early bird who gets more done before I wake up in the morning than I get done all day and this day was no different. Jane had been up for some time, was dressed, and ready to take our Golden Retriever for a walk. Her aggravation crescendo had More >
She’s done it again! Rori over at Between My Sheets has compiled a gigantic list of sex blogs, the best she found this year.
We have been on Rori’s Top 100 Sex Bloggers List in years past but it seems we keep climbing… she placed Dick-n-Jane.com at #6 for 2013. We are very honored to be a part of her annual tradition and hope you take some time to check out all her blog has to offer.
Top 10 From The Top 100 List
We recently took a day off from our regular routines to spend it focused on each other (you can read about that here) which involved cracking open the sex toy vault to liberate our favorite forms of entertainment. It occurred to us that we really have a significant collection of stuff… some of which we have written about (or reviewed) but much of which we have never mentioned here.
There is so much crap on the market! We think we have sorted through enough lousy products to get both an More >