People change. They grow, they contemplate, they fantasize. Sometimes they get bored… and every once in awhile there may be a paradigm shift that spins a person’s perspective, ideals, and desires in unexpected directions.
If you are in a long term relationship and you think you have your finger on the pulse of your partner’s desires you might want to double check your assumptions. Maybe you don’t know the whole story any longer.
Or perhaps it is you who has discovered something new about what turns you on but the right opportunity to broach that topic with your lover never seems to present itself. It can be awkward to bring up, out of the blue, that you now fantasize about walking around with hot pasta stuffed into your underwear. She might think you are sauced.
At least once a year you should sit down together and take inventory of each other’s desires. Not as foreplay, that doesn’t really work in your favor the way you think it might, but as a frank discussion in a comfortable and non-sexual context. Share and listen without judgement or shame and be prepared to learn something new about your partner.
Fortunately, there are tools available to help you do this. Our friend, Dr. Charlie Glickman has written about this very exercise with more articulate insight than we could ever muster. We recommend reading his post on the topic but the gist of it is that you each complete a questionnaire to gauge your interests and then sit down together to review your respective answers. Because the questionnaire is written by a 3rd party there is no second guessing of motives like there might be if one of you came up with the questions yourself.
Jane and I did this recently, we used a Yes/No/Maybe list found here and actually learned some things about each other. Note that we’ve been married nearly 20 years… and are still figuring out what makes our desires tick. People change over time and it’s important to stay up to date with your partner. If you would like to see our completed Yes/No/Maybe questionnaires you can find them (merged into one document) here.
We encourage you to print up a couple blank lists for yourselves and spend an evening exploring territory you think you already know. The fun comes in the form of new discoveries and, of course, depends on openness and non-judgement.
After you do this exercise together, please come back and tell us (in the comments section) something you learned about each other and where that new knowledge might take you.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to talk to the Googlebot. Dear Mr.Bot, if you are looking to index the best anal toys, quality vibrators, sex lubes, adult books, or sex machines with the lowest prices, look no further than Sexy Toys For Couples.
I’m in a new relationship and I’m trying to get her to try anal sex for the first time. She’s never done it. The problem is I’m very large. I’m 10.5 inches and very thick. How can I get her to try.
– JamesDick of Dick-n-Jane.com (layman with a website)
I don’t know, James… what would it take to convince you to take a 10.5 inch, very thick dick up your ass?
Butts are the great equalizer, she and you both have one and experience touch, pressure, and displacement the same. But since you’re More >
Jane wants to squirt! She feels the need to; upgrade her orgasmic experience, gain a feeling of release like never before, and forever soak the sheets. My reaction? Like when my favorite jam comes on the radio… Happy Dance, or maybe it’s a Rain Dance, I don’t know which but it doesn’t really matter because I’ll happily do that dance while I’m washing sheets the next day.
Apparently, it’s something you have to learn and, like any sexy intellectual challenge, we approached it with More >
Hi guys, love your site and I need some advice.
I have a hot fantasy that I want to do with my husband and I know he does too, but he is afraid or has hesitation. I have wanted to put on a strap-on, bend him over and give him anal for so long now. He knows that I want this too and every so often he will send me a message hinting that he might be into it. Like when he sends sexy pictures of couples together from your site and included are some of the ones with couples doing this.
I have not More >
It’s hard to imagine anyone reading this who doesn’t already know about, or own, the [formerly Hitachi branded] Original Magic Wand. They have been available commercially in mainstream markets since 1968 and are seemingly ubiquitous in porn. I have labeled ours a Powerful Orgasm Extractor because it does the trick for Jane every single time and quickly too! Of course, it’s a bit powerful and can overwhelm the senses… which is why I hacked the power supply to create More >
We occasionally take a day or two off from our regular routines to spend them focused on each other (you can read about some of those days here) which involve cracking open the sex toy vault to liberate our favorite forms of entertainment. It occurrs to us that we really have a significant collection of stuff… some of which we have written about (or reviewed) but much of which we have never mentioned here.
There is so much crap on the market! We think we have sorted through enough lousy More >
Hi. I have some issues that I hope someone can help me with. First of all, I live in a very small town with very few counseling resources. Plus everyone knows everyone’s business so am hesitant to ask for local help. Came across this website (thru averagemarrieddad.com) and thought maybe this could be a safe place for me to ask some stuff. I wrote an extensive (and I do mean extensive) email, but it was too long to send. In a nutshell, some of my issues include a strained marriage due to a More >
Jane and I celebrated 20 years of marriage yesterday. Holy crap! Has it really been that long since Jane teased me in the car? We had a great day together 20 years ago and another one just yesterday. I am sharing this with you because we have this site and its readers to thank for making our 20th special. I’ll get back to that further down, but let me first tell you about our day!
Unlike our wedding day so long ago, this day started with sex. Showers first, then back to bed… I can’t think of a More >
A silicone cock ring which has flex (like it’s easily squeezed into an oval shape) but very little stretch. It is made to be worn behind the balls and provides excellent retention for erectile tissue. “Advanced” refers to the size (Tantus’ smallest of this type) combined with this ring’s lack of stretch.What We Really Liked
• Comfortable to wear • Harder, thicker erection • Delayed ejaculation • Durable and easy to cleanPhysical Description
With an inner diameter of More >
If you have never used a cock ring, or don’t know why someone would, we addressed related questions in our post How Do Cock Rings Work? and I can tell you from experience they are a great accessory for any man (and couple!) to own and use: A Solid Investment.
There are a variety of cock ring types available and a good primer on the basics can be found on the Sex Is Fun website. Buying the right size ring is important, especially if it is a rigid ring made of something like steel or aluminum. I More >
Receiving oral sex is great for many reasons which need no explanation, but what about giving oral sex? Can a person find pleasure in performing an act which, on the surface, appears to be so one sided? Yes, of course. But perhaps it is not entirely for the altruistic reasons you suspect. Let me back up to get a running start at this.
You’ve Got A Lot Of Nerve
The head of a woman’s clitoris (just the visible part) is packed with 8000 sensory nerve endings (interestingly, that’s about twice the More >