Posts tagged Humor

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How Can I Convince Her To Try Anal Sex?

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I’m in a new relationship and I’m trying to get her to try anal sex for the first time. She’s never done it. The problem is I’m very large. I’m 10.5 inches and very thick. How can I get her to try.

– James

Dick of Dick-n-Jane.com (layman with a website)

I don’t know, James… what would it take to convince you to take a 10.5 inch, very thick dick up your ass?

Butts are the great equalizer, she and you both have one and experience touch, pressure, and displacement the same. But since you’re More >

GRRR

It Shouldn’t Have Worked, But It Did (Dick)

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I was abruptly awoken by a PMS day. The slamming drawers, mumbled expletives, and general frustrations of Richter magnitude rattling out of our bathroom were a dead giveaway that Jane would soon be blessed again with the crimson gift of womanhood.

She’s an early bird who gets more done before I wake up in the morning than I get done all day and this day was no different. Jane had been up for some time, was dressed, and ready to take our Golden Retriever for a walk. Her aggravation crescendo had More >

CoffeeBlowjob_thumb

Release Negotiations (Dick)

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Image from Young Legal Porn

One Saturday afternoon recently Jane said to me, “If you go to Starbuck’s to get me some coffee I’ll give you a blowjob”. There was only one way to answer such a proposal and it sounded a lot like a door slamming followed by a car racing away.

She got her fix. And I got mine.

I have suffered through enough corporate ethics and sexual harassment training meetings to recognize sexual “quid pro quo” when I see it… and I love it! Sure I’ll do you a favor, so long as my More >

PENIS Insomnia

Nocturnal Afflictions of Men (Dick)

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There is a common malady which disproportionately effects men, mostly men with penises, who may otherwise appear perfectly normal. No practical cure is available which leaves men to struggle with the symptoms and seek remedy at home, often without any help or assistance.

This condition is known medically as Perpetually Erect Nightime Interruption Syndrome (or PENIS) and is characterized by a seemingly endless hardon which wakes him up, throbs incessantly, and won’t let him get any sleep. One More >

Consumer Friendly Innuendo

Consumer Friendly Innuendo (Dick)

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We had butt sex and then we went grocery shopping. That’s how it works now. At some point after squeezing the kids out and signing the mortgage, household chores became acceptable after play.

Actually, it works at the other end of the sexual equation too. My vacuuming of the house is now considered “first base”, its effectiveness being on par with that of Jose Cuervo. But I digress.

So there we are at the store, walking isle by isle, Jane still with that wonderful glow in her ass that everyone More >

Sexy Exercise Ball

How Fantasy Is Born (Dick)

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From gallery“Anna S Fitness Ball”found on Hegre-Art

Have you ever been doing something completely innocuous, like shaping up with a Fitness Ball, or watching someone else shape up with a Fitness Ball, and had a sudden fantasy pop into your head? Yeah, me too. Except I was scrolling through porn blogs at the time.

POW! Out of nowhere, I now have need to invest in a Fitness Ball (and then figure out where the hell to store it). Never mind the blood rushing to Jane’s head… More >

Tanning

One Hot Experience (Dick)

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She was the cutest young thing I’d seen in weeks. As I approached, our eyes met, she smiled, and asked my name. She knew exactly what I wanted and within minutes I was butt naked.

I closed my eyes and tried to relax but I felt exposed and vulnerable. Warmth touched my skin followed by a blow that started slow and gentle but quickly built in intensity. It was hot… it was really hot!

Ten minutes later I was done. I put my clothes back on, said “thank you”, and left her to clean up with a towel.

I More >

Reader Mail

Reader Mail (Dick)

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I received an emailed reader question today from Dewey, a guy who probably didn’t drill down very far into our content. Either that, or we have unintentionally created an image of ourselves through this site that is; crude, obscene, and desperate to please.

Dewey says, “I Love the way your hot wet pussy look`s i have a 9 inc dick and i would love to suck and fuck you with it if you will let me. Can you send me some hot wet pics to my e mail it is [omitted] thanks dewey

Dewey’s offer to suck me More >

Surprised Faces

Revealing The Hardware (Dick)

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In 1993 when Lorena Bobbit caused men everywhere to cross their legs and wince, I had a brief (and awkwardly unusual) conversation with my mother about the news. I jokingly told her what would bother me most about having a “lost and found” penis like John Bobbit’s is not knowing where my penis had been. Or who had seen it.

Nearly 20 years later I find that my own penis is making the rounds… and I really have no idea who has seen it.

Thankfully, it is still attached to me (*whew*) but its More >

Celtic Cock Ring

A Very Personal Protest (Dick)

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Click for a better view!

The last time we flew to Mexico I had a good sized stainless steel cock ring in my carry on bag and I wondered what might happen when I went through airport security and customs during our International flight. Nothing, that’s what happened. It probably lit up like neon on the x-ray screen… it didn’t look dangerous (apparently) but it wasn’t of interest either. That or the screeners just didn’t want to go there.

I just got a new hunk of man steel that’s even heftier More >

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