Should I Invite Another Man Into Our Bed?
Hi! My name is Alex, and I just wanted to start off saying that my wife and I are big fans of your site. You may remember my wife (Sam) asking about the use of prostate massagers. We tried one that my wife picked up at the local romance store and I liked it a little bit. I think we may have gotten a cheap one, but it seamed to big. But my question today is different. My wife and I absolutely love eachother, but we like having threesomes from time to time. I know you two are a monogamous couple, but thought you might be able to help me decide. My wife was kind enough to invite another girl into the bedroom with us and we had an amazing time. Do you think its fair to invite another male into the room for a little guy on guy on girl action? My wife would find it interesting and I’d do anything to please her, but I’m not gay. I figured since I wanted my wife to try pegging with me, would the real thing be different? Is there anything I can do to prepare myself for taking it in the rear, but also being able to enjoy it? I’m lost and confused and I trust you guys with smart sexual decisions. Please help.
Patricia Johnson & Mark Michaels
Co-authors of The Essence of Tantric Sexuality and Tantra for Erotic Empowerment
Even if both of you guys do decide to give each other a little attention, that doesn’t necessarily have to mean anal intercourse. Oral sex, hand jobs, kissing, massage- those are all possibilities and they can be lots of fun. So don’t get stuck on the idea that you have to do anything you don’t want to do. For lots of excellent tips and sexy inspiration, check out The Expert Guide to Threesomes or The Threesome Handbook: A Practical Guide to Sleeping With Three.
If you decide to give anal intercourse a try, it’s not a lot different from pegging, at least in terms of the mechanics. However, it’s worth knowing that the ability to experience and enjoy anal penetration is strongly connected to your level of relaxation and arousal. If you aren’t turned on or if you’re feeling nervous, you might tighten up or you might not enjoy it as much as you could when you’re more excited. If that happens, don’t stress about it. It could be nothing more than first-time jitters. Or it could be that you’re simply not attracted to men in general or this guy in particular. But the more you try to force it, the less likely you are to succeed, so keep the focus on having fun instead of engaging in a particular activity.
There are some great guides to anal play and they’re definitely worth checking out. Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men covers all the important stuff and while it focuses on pegging rather than sex with another guy, the info is pretty much the same. I also like The Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex For Men. And there’s a lot of great info on the Good Vibrations website on anal sex and prostate play.
Remember- the whole point is to have fun, so whatever you do, enjoy!
To be clear… pegging and sex with another man are not equivalent. My advice is to explore your prostate and anal curiosities with Sam, you will get more out of it. Buy some basic equipment if necessary and tread new ground with your trusted partner. If you still have the desire to receive anal sex from another man during an MMF threesome then do it, at least you will have already learned some things about your own sexual response beforehand.
If I were to slap a label on you, Alex, it would be “heteroflexible-curious” and there’s nothing wrong with that. If so, I would encourage you to be true to yourself and forthcoming with Sam. An MMF may be your fantasy as much as hers for reasons she should be aware of before the big date.
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