I am 40 yrs old, handsome, small muscular build and well endowed. My wife is 48 yrs old, a little chubby, VERY attractive and we have no kids. We have not had sex or any kind of intimacy in a very long time and we been married 16 yrs. She says she has no more sex drive or desire for sex.

Long story short…. I came home from work 2 hours early one day and heard the garden tub water jets running on high full blast and making a humming sound. I slowly peeked into our bathroom and saw my wife laid back in the tub with her eyes closed and legs spread wide hanging over each side of the tub. She was sitting so close to the main water jet that it looked like it was penetrating her pussy. She started to moan, her legs started to shake and then her whole body started to convulse and buck and I MEAN BUCK, humping her pelvis into the water jet she was screaming very loud AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! I have never heard or seen a woman have such a powerful orgasm for so long and multiple orgasms at that. Good thing we do not have neighbors.

She was so involved in making her self orgasm that she never aware that I was peeking secretly from the darkened hall looking into the bathroom, I was and still am at A LOSS FOR WORDS but very turned on too. A few years back i brought up masturbation and sex toys to try to spark up things again and i asked if she masturbates or tried it she became very upset and said NEVER!! So not wanting to upset her or embarrass her again i left the house quietly and returned home at my regular time. She was still having orgasms as I left the house.

I guess she has been taking days off from her work from time to time and give herself pleasures I can not compete with. How should i handle this she still has no idea I caught her.

Sincerly please help.

– Bobby

Mark A. Michaels and Patricia Johnson
Profile | Website
Dear Bobby,As is so often the case, you’re facing multiple issues. We think that foremost among them at this point are trust or the lack thereof and poor communication about sex. No doubt your trust was damaged by your discovery, given that your wife claimed to have no sex drive and denied masturbating, even if that was a few years ago. It’s possible that she’s discovered herself sexually in the intervening years, or that her sex drive has increased with age, as it does in some women. Even if one or both of these things is true, she never told you about it and seems to have been actively keeping secrets from you. It’s also clear that you have not been communicating with each other about sex, and perhaps never did so very well, as the conversation about masturbation and sex toys suggests.You have a couple of options. You can remain silent and pretend the incident never happened, effectively maintaining the status quo: no communication, damaged trust, and no sex, which is not a recipe for a happy marriage. Alternatively, you can take steps to rebuild the trust and get better at talking about sex. This may be a slow and challenging process, especially if you have not been physically (let alone sexually) intimate in years.

Under these circumstances, we strongly encourage you to find a good therapist who is comfortable dealing with sexual issues (sadly, not all couples therapists have the training or skills to do so.) Of course, your wife will have to be willing to take this step as well, so you’ll have to have some communication about the issue before you get to therapy. This may mean telling her what you saw (something we think you’ll have to do eventually), or it may simply involve an expression of your wish for more intimacy and erotic connection and a suggestion that therapy might be helpful. We don’t know enough about either one of you to say which approach would be wisest.

The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counsellors, and Therapists is a good place to start looking for a qualified professional:

http://www.aasect.org/directory.asp

Be sure to shop around and find a therapist who’s both qualified and a good fit for you both.