Sex and SleepI can’t sleep. Does this happen to you? More specifically, I wake up somewhere between 1:00-3:00 a.m. and can’t get back to sleep until after 5:00 a.m.. My wife, the nurse, tells me these insomniatic events occur because my Cortisol levels peak in the wee morning hours.

She says the whole cycle of nighttime hormone disruption is related to daytime stress. This makes sense… I’ve had my fair share of work and family stress lately; short deadlines, long hours, and through it all Jane’s in-laws are driving me nuts! (you read that right)

Sex helps… but fatigue and stress suppress the libido. By the time we’ve herded the children to their rooms for the night, and hog tied them to keep them there, we’re both wiped out. Ironically, the sex that might otherwise push me into a coma-like night’s sleep loses out to the dreamily soft invitation of my pillow.

When the digital clock’s red numbers assault me at 2:00 a.m. with a taunting reminder, and my dick is throbbing swollen like some cruel punishment for unwarranted neglect, the idea of a quick wank to catalyze sleep becomes groggily overwhelming. Sometimes it works… the effectiveness being comparable to that of tickling myself into hysterics.

The best sleep, the kind that hijacks my consciousness and holds it ransom for sausage and eggs, comes after a very specific something special Jane does for me. A slow and deliberate hand/blow job where she also works my balls with her hands… gives my perineum a firm massage… and makes her way inward to circle the swollen longing of my prostate. All the while repeatedly swallowing the length of my shaft and the fluid she milks from me. Quality of sleep seems directly proportional to intensity of orgasm.

There is something about sexual release induced, in whole or in part, by a partner that resets the day-night cycle of stress related hormones, permitting solid rest and readiness for another day. Did evolutionary process push us this way? I have no trouble imagining fertile, and sexually satisfied, caveman Grok competing with his single, sleep deprived cousin Zorg for the day’s wildly running wildebeest.

If anyone out there is currently recruiting volunteers for a study of sex and sleep I would consider participating. And if your research assistant is cute, with a warm smile, a firm touch, and short fingernails… just show me where to sign. I’ll bring my own pillow.