Red BullJane was in a haze. She arrived home from an overnight shift just in time to leave again for a kids’ soccer game followed by a track meet. It was more than 24 hours since she had slept and her eyes were beginning to roll around in her head. Fatigue can feel like inebriation and Jane was getting there fast.

On the soccer field sidelines, I set down my folding chair next to Jane’s and asked her to hold my can of Red Bull while I got settled. As I unfolded my chair I noticed Jane gazing with half open eyes at the can which she had wrapped her fingers completely around.

Jane is a proper lady; she’s pretty, she’s polite, and she reserves her inner vixen for the bedroom. She caught me completely off guard when she said, with both her parents and our kids present, “Well, that’s a good size”… in obvious reference to the can’s circumference.

Her inner vixen shone through at a very unexpected moment, encouraged by a lack of inhibition (and judgement) in the daze of her worsening fatigue. The can’s diameter is slightly bigger than my dick’s, I found myself presented with new information about Jane’s desire, and all I could do was laugh and glance awkwardly over at her mother.

I am a man of average endowment and I have never felt inadequately sized to satisfy Jane, so her proclamation brought me neither shame nor threat. I realize variety is nice and am comfortable enough to help Jane find pleasure wherever she seeks it… so I took measure of that can for future reference. It was a full 2″ diameter grip that triggered Jane’s fantasy trip, that’s a solid 1/4″ thicker than the dick she usually plays with.

Later that same day… I was doing the week’s grocery shopping, while Jane rested at home, and decided to check the produce department for its selection of Nature’s original dildos. Cucumbers are far cheaper than silicone, are earth-friendly, inconspicuous, and can be enjoyed by the whole family (and dinner guests) once you’re fully satisfied!

Jane’s new, well endowed toy was personally delivered to our home in a discrete brown [shopping] bag. She washed it seductively with soap and water while I watched before cutting it in half with a knife (ouch!). It seems Jane is not really turned on by produce. Energy drinks, though… they are still in question.