Too ExcitedThe first time I had sex I was 16 and came very quickly. Too quickly. I was not a masturbator, had very little ejaculatory experience, and lacked skills to delay release.

I had a handful of sexual partners after that (before meeting Jane) and each required a different convergence of various stimulations to get off. Each one presented a distinct learning curve that challenged me to discover a winning orgasmic combination while also learning about myself. Often, too often, the protracted exchanges would lead to an earlier than ideal release for me. I come pretty easily when engulfed by a warm, wet vagina… even when working a complicated puzzle demanding patience and dexterity.

Delaying ejaculation is not an ability I claim with any expertise, I only know what I’ve learned through personal trial and error, nor do I claim any power to last indefinitely despite vigorous vaginal fucking. I can’t do that, nor would I want to. What follows are some notes and suggestions from the me who used to struggle with performance anxiety.

Setting Performance Goals

Any man who has the desire to last longer should understand two basic things before setting any improvement goals:

  • Timing your own climax should have no relation to a clock; seconds, minutes, or hours. Rather it should revolve around you and your partner’s personal satisfaction.
  • Your partner is physically capable of getting pounded for hours but that doesn’t mean she wants to go that long. Further, she may get some sense of accomplishment from making you come and should not feel like she has to work too hard to get you there.
Techniques For Delaying Ejaculation

These are tips for you, not your partner. Try not to burden or distract her with your little project, you need her to focus on her own pleasure. Most of this stuff can be pulled off without her cluing into what you’re doing… keep it playful and if you need to stop for minute play it off as teasing.

  • Slow down. Pace yourself from initial penetration, she doesn’t need it hard and fast right out of the gate. Whatever you’re doing may feel twice as good to her at half the speed. If you feel ejaculation pending, simply slowing down may not be sufficient. Even stopping completely with your dick still inside her may not work if she’s working her PC muscles.
  • Pull out. Terminate the influence of her warm wet pussy and get the fuck out. Make whatever excuse you need to, just don’t take your attention off of her. Use hands or mouth as a substitute while your dick calms down a bit.
  • Change position. Not only does this give you an excuse to pull out briefly, a change in the way your dick is getting stimulated can set you back a bit on the arousal scale.
  • Pinch and pull down and back on your scrotum. This is common advice to delay ejaculation that makes me come immediately. My dick loves it! Your mileage may vary.
  • Make her come by some other means before sinking the sub. Takes the heat off, sure, and I’m all for giving her as many O’s as possible, but I still prefer to close the operation with a cock induced orgasm for her.
  • Keep it subtle. Making her party to your efforts may only serve to distract her and frustrate your anxieties. However, if you are in a long term relationship and are not having success improving your timing, asking for her help could be very beneficial.
When It Doesn’t Go As Planned

Coming too soon (whatever you decide is too soon) is only a problem if you allow it to be.

  • Attitude is everything. Sometimes it happens… be willing to laugh, forgive yourself, and move on with confidence.
  • Don’t assume anything about what she thinks, she’s from Venus and what goes on inside her head baffles all Martians.
  • Unless it is a regular problem your lover may find unsupressable arousal a sincere reflection of her total hotness.
  • Don’t apologize, just stay in the game and switch gears. Your focus on her pleasure will both gain you brownie points and distract her from dwelling on the issue.
  • If you feel your release is inevitable just go for it and don’t hide your pleasure, make it loud and aerobic, get everything you can out of your orgasm. Chances are good that your partner gets some satisfaction from your climax, don’t deny her that. If you suffer through premature ejaculation with barely a whimper hoping she won’t notice you came early you’ll be wrong. And you will have missed an opportunity to arouse her further.
Best Advice: The Right Partner

Jane is a perfect fit for me; right from the start we clicked sexually, my performance anxieties disappeared, and we’ve been coming in unison ever since. Occasionally, I’ll still use some of my learned techniques to prolong the fun but in general our mutually building arousal is an effortless orchestration which peaks in waves that crash together with great energy and release. We stiffen and shudder through simultaneous orgasm together more than 90% of the time we have sex. It’s perfect. And I’ll write more about that in a future post (see it here).